If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
