You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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