So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
