remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
