Cold hands, warm shart.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
