she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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