Sober January is a disaster.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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