pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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