Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
