i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
