I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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