Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
