Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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