just come out here and I will go home with you...
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
