I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
