Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
