Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
