The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
