Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
