We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
