New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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