I like my sex mixed with concussions.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
