Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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