Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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