Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
