just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
