Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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