Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
