why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
