Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
