hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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