At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
we should paint friendship bongs
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