Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
