just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
