lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
