This girl is more easily done than said...
my being single is dangerous.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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