I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
