Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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