How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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