When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
