I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
