We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
