i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
