Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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