Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
