You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
