Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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