Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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