Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
