I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
