I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
