I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
